I've been purged
Last November I was pulled over on I-15 around Bangerter Hwy Northbound going 81 in a 65. It was a motorcycle cop hanging out under an overpass and when I saw him he was ‘holstering’ his speed gun and I knew I had been had. What was my first thought? “SHIT!” Then, find an exit and try to disappear. Yep, that’s what I thought. He was not moving and facing southbound so I thought maybe I had a chance.
Yeah, right. I still maintained my 80mph pace though in hopes I’d get it, but I saw him back not too far and coming in on me. When finally pulled over he actually got a little upset at me for continuing my 80mph pace, and asked me if I had seen him or not. I just gave him a dumb stare. I was already busted, why did it matter?
So, yeah, I got a ticket. He wrote me up for going 9 over. This is my first speeding ticket in honestly I have no idea how long; I know it was my first time being pulled over in this car and I’ve had it almost 3 years. The nice thing about a Camry is they’re pretty invisible to cops. But not entirely.
I was given the usual spiel to call no sooner than 5 days no later than 10. Okay fine. I called on the 10th day and listened to a long voice recording about what to do. Finally it reached speeding tickets and it just said send us the money, deduce your amount from the following scale. I don’t recall if it gave a deadline or not, but they did mention that they don’t offer a driving school in Draper. Punks.
Well, money was tight and I like to be forgetful, so the ticket went unpaid for a bit. I knew I had to send it in, I just never got around to it. Then I got a letter, and a warning. I had 10 days to pay or I’d have a warrant issued, and the fine now had a late penalty making the total $206.00. JERKS! I seriously don’t remember if the telephone message actually had a due date mentioned on it, so I kinda thought I should fight it. Then I remembered you never win. Guilty until proven innocent ya know. So, I wrote out the check. And then I added a little memo.
For those of you visually impaired, it says ‘taking it up the ASS’. There, I felt better. Seal the envelope and addressed it to the Draper City Court of Injustice (yep, threw that in there too) and send it on it’s way. Check cleared. Happy day.
Then, in February, I got another letter from Draper. Curious, I opened it. Ahhh, since I couldn’t contain myself on the check I was now asked to appear before the judge and tell them why I shouldn’t be found in contempt of court. Holy crap. This is lame! I was never even IN court! What do I do?
Well, today was court day. Early morning court is much better than usual traffic court, cause you get to see all the repeat offenders (7 speeding tickets in 18 months!) and societies up-and-comers (I’m ready to graduate from drug-court). Oh, and me. When it was my turn the judge read off what was happening, and even quoted what I wrote on the check. I then explained myself.
“It was an emotional reaction, your honor. I was frustrated at myself for not paying the ticket on time and had to pay extra in late fees. I wasn’t thinking straight”
“Do you admit or deny this then”
“Admit”
“Then you are found in contempt of court. Now, if I were you, here’s what I’d say. Dear Judge Bertch. I’m sorry. I acted foolishly and am now embarrassed over what I did, and have also embarrassed my family. Yada yada. That’s what I would say if I were you.”
“Judge Bertch, i’m sorry….”
And that’s it. He accepted the apology, purged the contempt of court and closed the case. All done. No fine, no fee, no jail time. So, next time you have to pay a fine, don’t write anything rude in the Memo field, just leave it blank. You might not get as kind a judge as I got.
3 Responses to I've been purged
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um…weird that the courts don’t have better things to do!!! so crazy. but partially funny. …ok, mostly funny.
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Joel, this is classic. I can see and hear the judge in my head with you standing there in court, and he’s reading “taking it up the ass” out loud. If I were you I would have cracked up laughing.
What a great story. And so random. How come you don’t me things like this in person? I have to read about it on your blog after all is said and done. So weird.